I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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