I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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