Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
