I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
