Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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