It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
