I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
