Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
