So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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