Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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