Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
