I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
