She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I did not marry a roomba.
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