my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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