ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
