...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Pants are for mortals
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
