Don't make out with my wife yet
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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