Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
