Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
