I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
