if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
