I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
