i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
