so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We had to coat check the pizza.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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