I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
