I am puke
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
