He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
