I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
