so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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