If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
