I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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