i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize