...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
