it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
