Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
