smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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