So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
