we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
