The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This is my gift to your gina
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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