O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
