Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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