I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
