I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
