There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
