in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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