I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
