I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
