It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
