when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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