dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
