Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
