I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
