I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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