nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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