I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
