Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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