If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
