I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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