my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
