I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
