Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
