if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
