Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
