Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
