you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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