If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
