he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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