other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
