you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
