remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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