Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
