I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize