I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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