Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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