my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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