I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
