it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize