She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
