If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
