I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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