I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
