Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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