I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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